Pressures

Seriously i'm not in the mood right now. Have a sudden thought wanna blog, just to express my feelings here. I don't know how things goes now. It's so extremely complicated till i wanna chop my head down and not to think bout anything anymore. I'm back to the emo one, which i don't wish to returning back. I tried hardly to escape from it, since the day i had a serious heart broke and trying suffocatingly to get happy everyday. However, life still won't be that good to you every time. Still, i couldn't get off from this sadness and the emptiness in my heart.

Why? Tell me why. I just don't understand at times. Why my life have to be like this? Yes indeed, compared with those peoples on this earth, i'm counted as a LUCKY one. I have family, i have friends, i have studies, i have everything that could satisfied me. At least, i'm not in a serious poverty. And i'm born in a good family, have a nice family background. At least i'm not an orphan, that is the best gift ever for me since i was born already. I don't have the thought of being ungrateful, but now the situation is driving me crazy. I've gone mad and feel so LOST.

Perhaps you guys don't know any single thing what i'm writing bout here, and even don't know what happened to me lately. But seriously, i feel so depressed. 2010 is not a good year, at all. I don't face any good thing happened to me in this year, but all just the bad one. MOST OF IT. How am i gonna go through for all these? There's half more year to 2011, I can't just change my life but just can wait the time pass, and wish to faster get out from this hell year. What i'm gonna do and what i can do is just everything about my studies, that is the SPM exam which is like a super huge and heavy stone on me now. Peoples say that's fun when you're still a teenage and do enjoy when you're still in secondary school. Yes, i know it is and i totally can understand why the elders will say that after they graduated or when they're old. Yet, teenagers are not that free and relax as what you all thought at times. Not every students are smart and brilliant. Good students always face pressure bout how they gonna study, even though become a bookworm or face to the books for zillion hours and just to get good results. But don't forget, weak students face pressures too. We're not as smart as them. We don't have a genius brain like them. Millions of grumbling by parents everyday couldn't help anything, but just can urge us to study like how those smart student does. Indirectly, all of these have cause pressures to us, but nobody will know that. Included family, they'll still keep on nag you like there's no tomorrow. Hell

Besides, i can know that i'm getting out from God recently. I used to be a sincere christian that love God very much. I prayed everyday, i read Bible and i go to church every Sunday. Day by days, evils are pulling me out from it slowly. I can know Satan is trying to persuade me to do something evil or illegal thing that is restricted in Bible. I'd skipped my church service for few weeks and even tried to think some reasons for not going to church. I'm getting unthinkable worst and even don't dare to think how worst i've became. Think back what i've done, the sins that i did make myself feel so dark and deep, even don't dare to look at the mirror by myself. There's too much of temptation in this world, and that is why influenced everyone goes bad. I just hope i can change myself and back to God's side. I pray that He can help me out in this and change me. I still wanna be with Him, i don't wanna lose Him from my life. He is my soul. He is my everything.

From now on, I WANNA CHANGE!


p/s: I don't know what to write anymore, so just stop here. Lazy. Don't worry, i'll be fine after some time. Be optimistic! :)

♥ Μїśş Ẅ